Thursday, February 14, 2013

Thoughtful Thursday: Magan's V-Day Advice Responses

Hello, Brown Queens! Welcome to Thoughtful Thursday, where you matter the most! On this Valentine's day love may be troubling you, well I'm here to give you advice! No concern is too small for an answer. So please email me at with "advice" in the subject line.

Lisa, Memphis, TN, writes,

 "Hello. I met this guy a few weeks ago and I really like him. How can I express my feelings without seeming cheesy or desperate?" 

- Hi Lisa, I know liking a guy for the first time can be exciting and fearful all at the same time but you should not worry. People come and go, so if it does not work out, do not lose hope. The best advice I can give you is for you to take your time getting to know him. The best relationships start off with friendship. You should find out his interests, his plans for the future, how he feels about an intimate relationship, ect, ect. Also, the both of you should spend time together. This is crucial to knowing a person. Sooner or later if he likes you, you will start feeling the certain vibes and chemistry. Still you should not move to fast. Once you feel comfortable enough in your relationship to express your feelings, you should start off simple. First, saving the big emotions until its mutual. Don't be overly clingy and try to hog all his time and attention. If he feels the same that will come naturally. With that being said, just take your time.

Anonymous, Memphis, TN, writes, "  

I have been suffering with self esteem issues. I'm black
(Yellow tone light skinned) and I have an Afro. I'm skinny and I feel like my Afro makes me look like a young boy. I'm awkward, like really awkward. I feel like I'm so inexperienced with life; I'm 19 years old. How do I make myself feel like a woman? I would like to feel comfortable around my age group of friends. The weight of the world seems as it is on my shoulders. I often worry about jobs and money (being that I never had a "real one") and every time I try I never get any feedback from the job. It seems like people don't accept me. Idk if I even accept myself. Help me. What do I do?

-Hi there, this post really touched me and i'm going to try my best and help you. First of all, I would like to say that I, myself, have an Afro and I have been natural for two years. It was the most liberating experience of my life. Before I was cloaked in an image that everyone else copied, pasted, and perceived as acceptable and it wasn't until I cut off all my hair and started the process, that I realized  its nothing wrong with being different. God made you flaws and all.  What you consider awkward or unacceptable he considers beautiful. Self- esteem is a state of mind. If you speak positive affirmations over and over again and practice uplifting exercises, like telling yourself everyday how beautiful you are, your state of mind will change. Don't settle for just an image. The way you look from the top of your Afro to the bottom of your feet, is all perfectly in sync to your well being. Love yourself, my dear. I believe that being a woman is not about what you have done or have not done, it's not even about age. It's about how you have matured. You could let this self-esteem issue trick you into not thinking you are good enough or you can manifest it into the power you need to fuel your well being. I'm talking about learning lessons from each experience of our lives, how you treat yourself and others, that's what makes you a woman.

Posted by Magan, advice columnist for The BQC


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