Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Relations Wednesday: The Ex Factor- Are you really over it?

Are you really over your ex? If your relationship is over but you find that something is keeping you from moving forward, I like to call those feelings, Ex factors. If the person you were with meant anything to you at all then of course you will remember what you had and it is recommended that you give yourself time to get over a break up. Staying off their Facebook and Twitter helps. But how much tine is too much time?  I find that some exes you never really get over but there are extenuating circumstances. Then you may need to question if that person should be your ex not. If U -X = Life not worth living then by all means, please, try again to make it work. That feeling is common but it is also just the initial feeling after a break up. Give it time then maybe you'll find that U + someone else = A happier U. I have come up with a list of Ex factors, or X factors. These are the red flags. These are 5 signs that you are not quite over it!
1. You find yourself talking about them all the time.
You broke up a year ago.Your ex should not still be the topic of all your conversations.
2. You are an ex basher.
You constantly put down your ex for something they did. If you say you forgave them but still linger on their mistakes, you are not over it. Forgive them for yourself and come to terms with it so that you can move on. Active closure from both parties would be great. If not, find closure on your own through forgiveness.
3. Opportunity knocks, you recognize it, yet you still don't answer.
A completely compatible match comes along but you treat them like a scrub. You owe it to the new guy and yourself to give it a fighting chance. The best way to get over it is to move along with someone else.
4. You compare every one to your ex.
Any statement that starts off with "My ex was more..." or "My ex was not as..." should not be used so often if you've been broken up for a while. The new guy is not your ex unless you've managed to find someone similar to your ex which is common. Maybe you should try someone different. You could go back to your ex if you were going to date someone just like him.
5. You are with someone else but won't allow your relationship to flourish.
After you've been hurt you must make an effort to rebuild your trust and remember that the new guy is not your ex. Don't let them take on the consequences for what your ex did.

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